The markets put on their Halloween costumes early this week: a masquerade of optimism, panic, and neon goggles. Bitcoin flirted with a comeback just long enough to remind everyone it still has commitment issues.
AI executives pulled on their bravest poker faces as central bankers started whispering the “B-word” (bubble), and Samsung walked in wearing a headset so shiny it nearly distracted traders from their losses.
Welcome to another chapter of Market Mayhem, where zero fees, moral warnings, and robot interns make the headlines.
Zero-fee siren song: WazirX returns to the stage
Some say there’s no such thing as a free lunch. WazirX just replied, “Hold my chai.”
After months of restructuring limbo, India’s top exchange announced its grand comeback on October 24, complete with 0% trading fees on all pairs. The marketing department called it a “Restart Offer.” Traders called it “finally, something my portfolio can afford.”
But behind the confetti lies a serious question: how long can a platform survive without a revenue pulse? Zero-fee models often attract the trading bots, not the loyal humans, and liquidity may come and go faster than an influencer’s apology. Still, WazirX seems determined to turn its comeback tour into an anthem for Indian crypto revival or at least a meme worth retweeting.
“The Return of the Free Lunch—Episode 1: When Margin Met Mayhem.”
The Bank of England brings an umbrella to a sunny AI picnic
While traders were busy chasing dopamine hits and masquerades, the Bank of England decided to drop a plot twist: the AI party might be over before dessert.
In its latest financial stability report, the BoE issued a polite British panic warning that inflated valuations in the AI sector could burst faster than a bubble tea straw. Investors nodded solemnly, then immediately went back to buying more chip stocks.
The irony? AI companies are now worth more than the GDP of several mid-sized countries, and the regulators are just noticing the smoke. Meanwhile, central bankers clutch their teacups, murmuring, “At least gold is stable… right?”
Agentic AI and the great “slop” awakening
If 2023 gave us AI hype and 2024 gave us AI fatigue, 2025 is giving us… AI hangover.
Analysts at Gartner have officially declared the world “swamped with agentic AI.” Translation: Everyone’s building digital interns that promise to automate your life but can’t even automate a coffee order. Then came the plot twist: Andrej Karpathy called most of their output “slop.” Yes, that’s the technical term now.
Billions of dollars, thousands of start-ups, and endless LinkedIn posts later, we’ve realized most “agents” are just slightly overconfident chatbots wearing corporate lanyards. The result? CFOs are pulling budgets, VCs are pretending they always warned about this, and product teams are quietly renaming their apps “Productivity Assistants.”
“From Gold Rush to Slop Season: The Robots Came, Saw, and Auto-Completed.”
Samsung enters the XR arena: Android’s mixed-reality masquerade
In a week where most markets needed therapy, Samsung decided to offer escapism, literally.
At its “World Wide Open” event, the tech giant unveiled Galaxy XR, a headset that looks like a cross between a spaceship and an espresso machine. Internally known as Project Moohan, it’s Samsung’s bold leap into the spatial computing warzone, right where Apple’s Vision Pro and Meta’s eternal optimism already duel.
This isn’t just about VR games anymore; Samsung’s pitch includes productivity, social hangouts, and yes, blockchain-linked digital collectibles (because apparently we didn’t learn from 2021). Whether XR becomes the next iPhone moment or just another expensive paperweight depends on whether the public actually wants to wear goggles longer than they wear patience.
“Headset Wars 2.0: May the Depth-Perception Be Ever in Your Favor.”
North Korea’s $2b crypto heist: The uninvited guest at every exchange
While Western investors debate AI ethics and zero-fee economics, North Korea has quietly been running one of the most successful investment funds on Earth, other people’s.
According to blockchain forensic firm Elliptic, Pyongyang-linked hackers have already swiped over $2 billion in crypto this year alone, the highest annual total ever recorded. Their method? A well-choreographed blend of phishing, laundering, and DeFi loopholes that would make Ocean’s Eleven look under-trained.
The UN calls it cybercrime; Kim Jong Un probably calls it “sovereign diversification.” Either way, these digital pirates are reshaping geopolitics with every stolen stablecoin. Institutions are taking notes, mostly titled “How Not to Get Drained.”
“From Pyongyang with Crypto: The $2 Billion Heist You Didn’t See Coming.”
Final thoughts: Markets in masquerade costumes
It’s been a masquerade of contradictions: free trades that aren’t free, robots that aren’t smart, and regulators that are suddenly philosophers. Bitcoin is still spinning in circles, AI is arguing with itself, and Samsung wants us all to wear our investments on our faces.
But that’s the charm of 2025: every crisis has a costume, every headline wears a mask, and every week deserves a little mayhem.
