A not-so-serious experiment to make you laugh (not financial advice)
“If something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.” — Elon Musk
Yeah, Elon, you said it. Odds? That I, a caffeine‑powered crypto degen, actually become you for 24 hours.
Why? Because someone on Twitter (X) said, ‘Be the change you want to see in the market,’ and I took that literally. Fast-forward to me nearly liquidating my life savings, accidentally DM’ing a scammer, and getting ratio’d so hard Elon himself blocked me (allegedly).
6:00 AM – Wake up like a billionaire (or try to)
Elon wakes up at the crack of dawn, probably to the sound of rockets launching or Neuralink notifications. Me? I woke up to my cat yowling because I forgot to feed her (again). But no matter—today, I am ELON.
I grab my phone and immediately tweet:
“BTC to $420.69 soon. Maybe. I dunno. insert rocket emoji, insert moon emoji, insert flame emoji, because why not?”
Instantly, my DMs flood with:
- “Elon, is this financial advice?”
- “SIR, PLEASE PUMP MY BAG.”
- “Why does this account smell like ramen and regret?”
Elon would probably drink some fancy antioxidant smoothie. I chugged cold brew mixed with a leftover energy drink I found in the fridge. “Liquidity is key,” I whisper to myself.
9:00 AM – Board meeting (aka my bathroom mirror)
Elon runs Tesla, SpaceX, and X (formerly Twitter). I run a portfolio that’s 90% memecoins and 10% tears.
I stand in front of the mirror, practicing my best “I am inevitable” smirk.
“We’re acquiring Bitcoin. No, Ethereum. No… Shiba Inu. Actually, scrap that—we’re making a new coin called ElonRekt. 1 ELON = 1 ELON. Incalculable genius.”
My reflection nods approvingly. My dog, however, looks concerned.
12:00 PM – Lunch like a tech titan
Elon probably eats gourmet vegan keto space food. I DoorDash a burrito and paid with Bitcoin (why pay with crypto? Because that’s the future we want to see!)
I tweet: “Fast food should accept Dogecoin. Also, the concept of ‘money’ is a social construct. insert shrug emoji”
Crypto Twitter erupts. My mentions are a mix of:
- “THIS GUY GETS IT.”
- “Bro, are you high?”
- “SELL NOW” (always that one guy)
3:00 PM – Productivity hour (gaming & market manipulation)
Elon codes AI in his sleep. I open Solana memecoins on my phone while pretending to “work.”
I impulsively buy a token called $SMOKINROCKETS because:
- The name had rockets.
- The chart looked like a heart attack.
- Elon would’ve done it.
I tweet: “$SMOKINROCKETS is the next big thing. Not financial advice. Or is it? thinking face emoji”
The chart pumps 300%. I feel like a genius. Then it dumps 500%. I am once again a degenerate.
6:00 PM – Evening grind (aka more tweeting)
Elon posts memes that move markets. I post memes that get me muted in Discord servers.
I tweet a picture of my cat with the caption: “Introducing the new CEO of Tesla. She’s allergic to losses.”
Vitalik likes it. I black out from excitement.
9:00 PM – Winding down (or getting rekt)
Elon probably meditates or stares at Mars through a telescope. I stare at my portfolio and whisper: “It’s just a pullback. It’s just a pullback. It’s just—OH GOD WHY.”
I tweet: “Markets are a simulation. Goodnight.”
Then I remember Elon doesn’t sleep. So I stay up, refresh CoinMarketCap, and wonder if I should bet on a new memecoin called $ELON2XLEVERAGED.
Final reflection
Living like Elon for a day taught me three things:
- Tweeting = financial influence (until SEC knocks).
- Rockets > fundamentals (always).
- I am not Elon Musk (but my portfolio is just as volatile).
As I drift off to sleep, my last thought is: “Maybe tomorrow I’ll be Donald Trump. Wait, no—should I really?”
TL;DR – Became Elon for a day. Pumped a memecoin. Crashed a memecoin. Got called a “market manipulator” by my group chat. 10/10 would degen again.
See you on Mars, friends. And remember: keep your memes spicy, your bags heavy, and your imagination set to Ludicrous Mode.
To the mooooo—zzzzzzzz!
